i was so scared

i know what i did was wrong, but everyone makes mistakes though right? i wanted to talk to lolly about it, and she said something along the lines of :
"that's what i don't get, if you were my friend, why did you bitch about me?" i said i understood her, and i wasn't going to make up any excuses. i wasn't. she knows i've done it, a lot of other people know i've done it, so what's the point in trying to lie even more? i think this was the right thing to do, of course i want her and izzie back more than anything else in the world, but it's my fault why i've fucked it all up. there's a facebook group, 'you're not sorry because of what you did, you're sorry because i found out', i'm sorry for both of those things. i never learn.
saw marky today, i was scared of going to h-town incase i would see them, and i did. i didn't know what to do, they smiled at me, i didn't know what i was supposed to do? so i blanked them, i kind of smiled, but if i'm honest i just wanted to get away. marky didn't understand what was going on. saw roare today too, he had the cutest red nose i've ever seen in my life ahaha <3

i do not know what i'm supposed to expect, of course they weren't going to say anything to me, i certainly didn't expect them to smile at me. i want to regain their trust in me, because i am honestly lost without them. if that even happens, because at the moment it doesn't seem likely.

6 days til christmas, hope everyone's sorted! i certainly am organised, for the first christmas ever. i think hazel needs to grow up next year, who else agrees? hahaha
byeeeeeee