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SUN

its starting to feel like summer :D
i'm already sunburnt - LOL. typical me, i am irish after all, what do you expect?
had a wonderful easter so far, too much has happened for me to go into, but its been great! i hope next week is as good!
i have some work to do at some point though, quite a lot of work now that i think about it...

lalala





i think i like you... its weird. i'm confused.

i'd really like

a cuddle.

the hangover

was such an amazing film! one of my favourites, ever! i was downloading the soundtrack, and it just made me think of the film all over again hahaha
it's actually hilarious!

i LOVED: mr.chow, the gay chinese man, when alan was getting the baby to 'masturbate', phil, "not you, fat jesus.", "ri-tard", "i do, it's at the corner of get a map and fuck off. i'm a doctor, not a tour guide.", "it's the weekend, you don't exist to me.". and to be honest, i just liked everything.





Toodooloo, motherfuckers! :')

i had a good idea for a blog, but then i forgot what i was going to write about...

... oh wait, i remember now.
i was watching (500) days of summer earlier, and it made me think.

i can relate to summer, and how she was afraid to let tom in to her life properly, how much her the divorce of her parents affected her, etc.
and y'know, i'm going to admit, i'm scared. i'm scared of being with someone too long. scared of letting someone in and them knowing too much. scared of loving someone too much, and them hurting me. scared of things ending badly. yep. scared. and this may sound silly to those of you who have been in long relationships before. my longest relationship was almost three months, and what i don't understand is why i switch when i get to two months. i don't understand me. i just, can't stay with anyone longer than that. is it just me? i don't know whether or not it's because i don't actually like that person as much as i first thought, or whether its because i'm scared to get too attatched to that person. i just don't know.
these thoughts have just been replaying again and again in my head.
also, this quote from (500) days of summer made me think quite a bit too:

"it was that you can't ascribe great cosmic significance to a simple earthly event. coincidence. that's all anything ever is. nothing more than coincidence."

i really like that quote.
anyway, i'm going off to think some more.

ill

i was warned, but i still drank blakey's orange juice, and i got his disease. yay! :( so now i'm coughing, and snotty. wahooo

i told myself not to, then did anyway. argh. i frustrate myself more than other people do.

fucksake.

why do i like you? why do i like you? why do i like you?

you're perfect. absolutely perfect.

smart, you have my favourite type of humour, you're good looking, you have a nice body, not too tall, not smaller than me, reeeeeeallly lovely eyes, you're soso nice when you want to be, i get butterflies every time you speak to me, or if i see you.

gah, there are so many more reasons i could write down.

i'm pathetic.

no one i met after you quite compares.

you have higher expectations and standards now, and i just don't fit into them, not by a longshot.

i shouldn't blog this, but its just what keeps running through my head.

i shouldn't like you, but i do.

i'm trying to stop myself from thinking anything could happen, that's long gone, but i still can't help but have the tiniest bit of hope.

and i shouldn't feel like this.

but i do.

>:|

i had such a good weekend and some people actually ruin it.
i went out friday and enjoyed myself despite certain circumstances, and got quite drunk and had joanna over. i love drunk chats, because you just talk about everything. proper ached in the morning; bruises on my head in various places, bruises, cuts, scrapes, and sore ankles. oh yeah and huge blisters. i tell you, i looked like a cripple when i went out on saturday, and felt like it too. had a nice saturday and sunday with izzie and danni mainly <3 they seem to be the only ones i enjoy myself with now.
mm, so glad easter starts on thursday, only a half day and non-uniform and then seeing jadine to watch her get her tongue pierced. i also need to see marky, sammicat, janna, ayprul, and some other people in easter.

gah, i hate so many people :( i want a boy cuddle please. bye.

fuck off. fuck off. fuck off.

'nough said.

best thing ever!

'I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then, on some dark, cold night I will steal away into your home and punch you in the FACE.'

lalalalala

i'm sick of some people, seriously. i'm stressedstressedstressed right now. my drama exam went quite well on monday, 10 weeks of work totally worth it. art deadline last friday, made it. and my child development coursework deadline this friday. art exam in april. revision revision revision.

year 11 has gone way too fast :(

i'm so tired out recently, i often end up napping on the sofa after dinner, then going to bed and passing out again. i'm exhausted.

can't wait for big d's party friday night, the bedford saturday with tash :D :D :D




I wish I could sleep
But I'm tied down dirty in these borrowed sheets
It's been a week
And I've been singing to my feet, yeah
But I wont admit defeat til saturday, saturday, saturday
For your information I love my demons
Because they keep me company
I've learned to love my new routine,
But on my better days, better days, better days

Consider your self one of my best friends,
Consider your self one of my enemies

I wish I could speak
But I spent the last half hour in the back room
Celebrating me
And now I feel a little cheap, yeah
But I wont admit defeat til saturday, saturday, saturday
It's not one of my better days, better days, better days

Consider your self one of my best friends
Consider your self one of my enemies
Show a little skin and make a million
Bare a little soul you'll make a million more

When I grow up
Wanna be famous
When you grow up
Will you still blame us?

I wish I could sleep
I've been tied down dirty in these borrowed sheets,
It's been a bitch of a week, yeah
Saturday, saturday, saturday

Consider your self one of my best friends
Consider your self one of my enemies
Show a little skin and make a million
Bare a little soul you'll make a million more

i'm still awake

and i have to be in school at 10am tomorrow. on a sunday! ¬_¬
this was a pointless blog, but oh well. i'm exhausted now, good night world!
oh i had a good weekend.

p.s. you're a knob

still feeling pretty down

i don't know what's wrong with me. i need some manly arms to snuggle into, i want a cuddle :(
*sigh*

sadface :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

i'm in physics

i like physics. but i like tasha more.

i still feel crap :(
i want you really bad :((((

i feel bad about the fact i don't know how to ignore people, and not care. time and time again you've told me to just ignore people if they're horrible, but i just can't seem to do it. i can feel your patience running thin with me, i'm sorry. i do try, promise <3

just because i still love this song, and i really don't care :')

'The lights are out and I barely know you
We're going up and the place is slowing down
I knew you'd come around

You captivate me, something about you has got me
I was lonely now you make me feel alive
Will you be mine tonight?

Take me on the floor (dadada da dadadada)
I can't take it any more (dadada da dadadada)
I want you, I want you, I want you to show me love
Just take me on the floor (dadada da dadadada)
I can give you more (dadada da dadadada)
You kill me, you kill me, you kill me with your touch

My heart is racing as you're moving closer
You take me higher with every breath I take
Would it be wrong to stay?

One look at you and I know what you're thinking
Time's a bitch and my heart is sinking down
You turn me inside out

Take me on the floor (dadada da dadadada)
I can't take it any more (dadada da dadadada)
I want you, I want you, I want you to show me love
Just take me on the floor (dadada da dadadada)
I can give you more (dadada da dadadada)
You kill me, you kill me, you kill me with your touch

I wanna kiss a girl
I wanna kiss a girl
I wanna kiss a boy
I wanna ...

I wanna kiss a girl (do ya, do ya, do ya, do ya)
I wanna kiss a girl (do ya, do ya, do ya, do ya)
I wanna kiss a boy (do ya, do ya, do ya, do ya)
I wanna kiss a (kiss a, kiss a, kiss a)

dadada da dadadada
dadada da dadadada
dadada da dadadada (oh)

Take me on the floor (dadada da dadadada)
I can't take it any more (dadada da dadadada)
I want you, I want you, I want you to show me love
Just take me on the floor (dadada da dadadada)
I can give you more (dadada da dadadada)
You kill me, you kill me, you kill me with your touch

Take me on the floor (dadada da dadadada)
I can't take it any more (dadada da dadadada)
I want you, I want you, I want you to show me love
Just take me on the floor (dadada da dadadada)
I can give you more (dadada da dadadada)
You kill me, you kill me, you kill me
Please don't stop!'

i want...

some good sex, a cuddle, then a cigarette/spliff.
in that exact order.

i feel crap :(

Just like raindrops,

just like raindrops
you feel so good upon my lips
just like raindrops, just like raindrops
even though you're a million miles away

you taste so great on my lips
you taste so good on my lips
your moisture drips upon my lips
just like a waterfall straight through the heart of me

they go....

.."you're just as boring as everyone else, when you tut and you moan, and you squeal and you squelch." they go "you're just as boring as everyone else. stuck past timing"

SO, apparently an update is in order!

friday, my birthday. well nice day at school, lots of birthday messages and lots of money :) friday night is a whole different thing, ahaha. got home, got ready, and waited for joanna to come over. drank lots of cherry wine and jacques and got completely smashed. i loved it. joanna stayed over too, which was a plus. though like usual, i had a few too many, and ended up rushing forwards and backwards to the toilet. in the end, i just stayed there. how lovely.

saturday, london with natalie. woke up at 5.30am :/ thanks to joanna's alarm! then went back to sleep and woke up again at 7.30. i then managed to get up, get ready and leave the house at 8.30 to get the 8.54am train to london :) what a nice day! went to portobello road market first, and got my mum a present for mothers day. and got a few nice things for myself. i loved having birthday money! then we went to camden, and i got a dress and a nice vintage cardigan. and after traipsing round every bit of camden looking for a piercing place that would do my ear without me needing my passport, i finally found one! and got my helix pierced. well hurt though, and it squeezed and popped when the needle went in. the only thing that i understood what the man was saying was "deep breath in. deep breath out." hahaha. looks good, but killed like a bitch. got home to letchworth finally, after missing the stop for kings cross st. pancras on the tube, and going to moorgate, and waiting half an hour for the train to arrive in london. then got home and had a well needed relax. after that, got ready again, then went to stevenage for a gathering. i was a bit skeptical at first, but really enjoyed being with them lot. espescially t.w ;) sn and sr are my new best friends. got home about 1am, ate some food, and passed out!

sunday, out and about. today was alright, such nice weather though! got up at half 11, and made some eggy bread! yayayayay! then went out and met lollie and munnerz in bancroft, bummed around a bit, then lollie went to drama. met ayprul then, and decided to walk around with her until dazza came along. which he didn't! so we waited again, then i decided i'd go take his jacket back anyway, so i got a bus to arlesey, cause there were no trains. got there, and walked to marky's which was lonngggggggg. saw two of darren's friends in their car on the way to marky's. then i got picked up :(

so now, i'm laying in bed, writing this, all warm and snuggly ^^
i'd also like to add, just because apparently he's following me now, i miss mike :) x

thanks for the amaaaaaazing weekend to all of my friends, you'll know who you are :)))) <3

"this is the worst day of my life..."

"the worst day of your life, so far!"

oh, and my birthday is on friday

seeing as everyone seems to have forgotten this year.

i'm going to get into bed, be emotional and read. and HOPEFULLY go to sleep earlier. eurgh life.

a) i'm really disappointed.

really. i can't believe it. i was told about it saturday, but i kind of just put it to the back of my mind. now that i read something, and finally found out who it was you were going on about, i remembered. now don't get me wrong, i don't not want you to be happy, but i specifically said i wasn't happy about it. and i told you not to fall for those lies. but you did anyway. and i just know you're going to regret it. but what if you don't? what if you are going to end up with that person for ages. i won't see you anymore, well even less than i do already. that person will change you, and i don't want you to change. i would know, i've been with this person. i'm surprisingly really upset, and i don't understand. am i jealous? i can't say anything to you, because anyway that i try it will come out wrong. just, i hope you know what you're getting yourself into, because i didn't at the stage you're in now. agh. i don't want this to happen. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?

b) the fire that once almost completely burned out. the ashes, which were smouldering and dying for the best part of 6 months, have started to burn again. and i just hope that either something comes out of it, or something doesn't. the fire is getting stronger, i just have to choose whether or not to let it. it will be a difficult decision.

HA i'm such an emotional twat.

we were 'average'

i know all my drama script and stage directions, i just need to practice it so it becomes perfect!

sitting here, in my dressing gown, after a hot shower, listening to radio 1 ;D
sounds good to me!

i'll update laterrrr

righto.

i again haven't blogged in a while, so i'll start off with:
T-MINUS 12 DAYS AND COUNTING! (my birthday by the way)
so i've decided that me and nat will be going to london shopping the day after my birthday, and then i think hollie's piss up at kg's :) but it will be a good ol' birthday piss up for me too ;p
then the weekend after my birthday, i'm planning on going to thorpe park with various people, weather permitting of course!

anyway, i have to say i miss lora. a lot. and i don't always make the effort i should. although i've already blogged about this, it goes through my head often, so i need to express it.

i drank a lot this weekend, i spent much needed time with grover, and lele. oh and i coughed my guts up all the time. i went to stevenage, and met some people i haven't seen in 9/10 months? they actually spoke to me, which made me think that there are actually some genuine people out in the world :) i need to think about things.

sixth form. yes. so i'm actually quite excited! i handed in my application form last friday, and i have chosen psychology, sociology, applied science and philosiphy & ethics. and my reserve subject is art. quite pleased with it all! and i'm ready now to move up into further education, just need to get my gcse's out of the way. i'd like to say thank you to nat, for being there for me, and advising me in a way that i understood. i also love her <3

i need to see izzie soon. ciao x

i was thinking about my birthday

i have no idea what i want to do! its less than a month away, and i don't want it to be shit :( hmmm.
i was also thinking about driving. on the tv there was a news report on children as young as 11 being given off-road driving lessons to prepare them for driving at 17. i can't wait until a years time, and i can finally legally get in a car and get driving lessons. i asked my mother about whether or not she'll take me somewhere before i'm 17 to practice driving off-road, and she said yes!
i miss lora, and my inability to not see many people. this half-term was one for me to catch up with some people i have known for years. i saw janna and my old childminder. and i really enjoyed seeing them. but i can't help but think it is my fault why i'm not close to people such as lora anymore. i spend all my time at school, and then when i'm not at school, i'm seeing brendan. and yeah, there's no problem with that, but i'm neglecting the people who i realise now who i need most ;( i need to make a bigger effort, i cannot throw 2/3 years away like that.

SO, someone suggest something for me to do for my birthday please!

:)

i've had a really good weekend! nice lazy friday night, and i caught up on some well needed sleep. bedford yesterday was really good, bought brendan's valentines day presents, and a nice top for myself. i loved spending the whole day with joanna, i really enjoyed it!
valentines day today :D and for the first time ever i actually have someone to spend it with. i can't wait to give brendan his presents, and go out for dinner :) yayyy

so, i'm in a really good mood! :D
also, i loved my phonecall with lollie this morning!

ciao! x

ahhhhhhhhhhh

ryvita minis ryvita minis ryvita minis
lollie lollie lollie
jadine jadine jadine
brendan brendan brendan<3333333333
joanna joanna joanna
tea tea tea
smoke smoke smoke


<3 <3 <3 <3

you were my best friend.
you are my best friend.

i just wish you loved me as much as you seem to love all the other people you write about on your blog. i love you, and i know i've wronged you in the past, but it would be nice to post a blog about me. reading over that it sounds so pathetic, right? yeah. i hate being so jealous, and i don't understand why i am. maybe its because i'm so scared of losing you again? or maybe its because i want you all to myself. well i wouldn't want you all to myself, because that isn't fair on you. you're still two of the most important people in my life, after everything. i know i blog a lot, i just hope you read this. you mean so much to me. don't go away. i will make this perfect again, however long it takes. watch this space.

hacked by sexy jo;D

HASHEEELLLLLLL :D

physicsss is longgg
but i have HASHEEELLLL with meh;D
so its all good:D
whoever has a problem with ma Hazeyy can seriously "go home!!"
aha;D
uhh friday night:D i cant wait.night with the girlss(L)
we buying some munchies,alkie and we gonna watch a film:D

anyways..im gonna stop now as its time to goooo>.<

nice to chat;D

P.S you dont even know how happy Hashel made me by buying custard creams and cream soda for art :D
IM IN LOVE O.O

my heart is breaking

(u)

i'm not included in lp and clo's drawings in science :( they hate me

i like physics,

espescially when i have jo here to entertain me! :D
looking forward to this weekend, friday girly night at jo's, saturday bedford with jo :D
and then sunday valentines day with my baby and going out to dinner <3 yay

hopefully no dickheads put me in a foul mood yeah? ;D
lalala

i'm getting some SERIOUS withdrawal symptoms from lollie, izzie and marky. hopefully i see them in half-term.
oh, and i also have a serious case of C-B-A, so does jo ;)

laters

p.s, i don't give a shit what you think about me, dickhead. i know you're gonna read this, so :)

i feel so blank and emotionless

i don't know what to do, or what to say.
i'm not sure about anything, or anyone.
but what i am sure about is, that i do love my boyfriend, are the people that don't turn on me when i do the slightest thing wrong, or when an argument occurs.

i don't understand anything that's going on, or what i've done. i simply don't understand. i'm not purposely 'playing the innocent card' i actually don't know what i've done to deserve all this hate and abuse from people. i'm certainly not trying to blame anyone, because i have nothing to blame anyone for. i came home yesterday, exhausted from the stress of it all, and just slept, from 8pm in the evening. i was unaware of all the nastiness and arguments on facebook. and i have to say, that it is quite pathetic, and it's left me not upset, or any negative emotion, but wondering. wondering whether you will all stop being so immature and argumentative.

my mum said to me, "shows who your real friends are hazel, you need to pick your friends more carefully" and she's right. i love my mum, and how she's honest, and i have a good time when we're together. i'd like to think i can grow up to be like my mum, she makes me cry with laughter, and also cry from frustration. but i wouldn't have it any other way. my mum has been, and will be my rock, and i love her so much. and my mum is definately better than all of yours. ha!

i'm going to make a hot cup of tea, and sit down with my mum and the cat. good bye.

not. fair.

this weekend was weird

nothing weird necessarily happened, i just have a really weird feeling. i don't understand it. i really wanted to see people today, but circumstances stopped that, and it made me realise how people have jobs now, and don't go out as much anymore. i think i need to follow suit.

lalala, i want to see marky, and lollie, and izzie.
i want a biiiiig cup of tea, a good film/harry potter book, and a cigarette. oh yes.
OR to meet someone for a cigarette. either would do me fine.

gahhhh, i might go for a jog later.

i should be in the shower

instead of reading everyone else's blog posts!
brendan's tonight, with josh and conor, lets see how that goessss

lalala

i'm in a bad mood, and i don't know why. i guess it's probably school, and things with friends.

lets start off with...rafter, okay, rafter. so thing is with rafter, we're in a sort of arguement. i don't like it. it's not that i don't care about her, or not want to be friends, its just i don't like what's going on with her and josh. i wont go into detail, because its quite complicated. but i don't like this arguing at all, and i hope things sort themselves out, it's getting rather tiresome. hmm.

i got a phonecall today, while i was in school. it was my dad, and he left me a voicemail. i was NOT impressed at all. i have a picture of kae with a MASSIVE dildo in her mouth ahahaha, its so funny, but my dad thought it was me. so i phoned him up, and shouted, and i'm still annoyed that he seems to think i'm some sort of slag? eurgh. thanks dad. having second thoughts about going to watford in half term now.

also, another thing i wanted to talk about was charity shops. i never thought i'd say it, but i love them. i don't care what anyone says you know. you can find some really nice vintage things, for REALLY cheap. i was amazed. i went into a few shops the other day, and got the nicest red leather bag with a white cross on it, a huuuuuuuuge xl mens navy blue chunky knit jumper which comes to my knees, and a beautiful velvety floral pattern top, ALL FOR LESS THAN £4!!!! i need to go into charity shops more often.

i wish i could sing, or act, or write lyrics and not care what people think.

i'm gonna watch some glee on 4oD, cya! x

i don't blog much anymore

i'll update later :)

this really is getting ridiculous

enough said really.

also, you know who you are. i hope you read this too:
honestly, i would neverrrr do that to you. and i'm sorry it happened, but i had no control over what happened. i'm sorry, and i really don't want you hating me. i didn't tell him to do anything. i can't handle you hating me too, i really value your friendship, and i'd never be that horrible to you. i hate this, i really do.

loving joshy's flat with brendan and jadey <3

moany blog at quarter to ten

child development is a subject which i enjoy, but like all others, it has become a subject where i'm stressedstressedstressed. i'm behind, and i've been told if i don't keep up with the work, or get it finished, i'll be put on the lower tier. that means, goodbye possibility of getting an A ¬_¬
hmm, i can tell that this day is going to crawl along like a snail on a dry surface. i don't know what emotion i'm feeling right now, its a mixture of stress and upset.
i need to see jadey more than anyone else right now, she really makes me relax. i just need to have a chat with marky later, because i don't know what's going on inside his head.
ouch. my lip has split on the bottom, in the middle, and it keeps bleeding. its sososo sore. great :(

also, i want to see izzie and lolly again this weekend, i need to fix this. i'm happy when i'm with them.

LONG. that's the right word, today is going to be long...

also, brendan is quite important <3

lyrics in my head: "i won't be the one to dissappoint you, anymore. and i know i've said all this, and that you've heard it all before. the trick is getting you to think this was your idea. and that this was everything you've ever wanted out of here. love's not a competition, but i'm winning."

really had enough of being put down

self conscious already, i don't need to be put down even more. i know it's a pathetic little insult, but to me, to be called fat is really upsetting. it has been imprinted in my mind that i am. i don't need this. i don't believe it when people tell me i'm not, its like been tattooed into my brain. i can't help but think now how pathetic this blog sounds. i just want to be skinnier, to be prettier, for people not to pick on me anymore. i want to achieve personal happiness, which i wont get until i improve my self image. sometimes i start to feel good about myself, i like being curvy, and then people bring me back down again. i really wish i didn't feel like i have to please people all the time. a couple of weeks ago, a girl i don't even know decided to insult me, saying that i was 'weighing down the planet' petty, but it hurts. and then today, i hadn't even insulted the person, i thought she was my friend. but she decided to have the decency to tell me that people were calling me fat behind my back. it just makes me feel fucking brilliant, y'know. and a stupid prick in my drama class shouted it at me earlier, and the whole class laughed at me, and the teacher felt like she had to defend me. i'm so sick of everyone putting me down, making me feel so horrible, and making me genuinely hate myself. i hate life, i hate people. i hate everything. fuck it, i cant wait to get wankered tomorrow.

i need my best friend, and i need to stop fucking crying. grow up hazel. grow up. grow up. grow up.

'sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me.' - FUCKING BULLSHIT.

i've blogged too many times in the space of 4 hours.

everytime brighton is even mentioned, i ache. i shouldn't still feel like this, but the feelings i had for you were so strong, and you hurt me so much. i just want you back, but i'm going to have to get over the fact you are never going to be a part of my life again. i still think about when i came all the way to brighton to see you, ignoring my friends advice on not going, and lying to my mum. and i had the best times, you were my release, where i could get away from all the stress of life in letchworth, and relax at your flat on the seafront. i miss everything about you, and i mean everything. it makes me upset thinking about how we fell out, and how much you hurt me. i don't know what to think. why did we have to stop being a part of eachother's lives? yeah, you're 21 now, and i'm 15. but we shared something special, and no one else i've met even compares to you in the slightest. thank you so much for everything, because you have shaped the person i am today in a good way; made me grow up a lot, and see the world from a different perspective.







but i still want you back. i still hurt, and i ache. and i want you to make it all better. i was in love with you.

also

I MISS KAE :(

gaygaygay

i hate being in school, today is the first day i've been in since last monday, and last wednesday morning for my science exams. urgh, it was so much effort trying to get up this morning. but i managed to be able to get up, have a shower, and be early to meet natalie in the common at twenty-past eight. it was nice to sit on the bench and have a cigarette, and chat :)
but as usual, i was late for class and had to walk into a room where most of the people in it stared at me. lets just hope i get a text from brendan at some point today, that will make me feel better. i'm just not looking forward to all the work i'm going to get.

i love brendan <3
and my physics, chemistry and biology lot xxxxxxxxxxxxx

i love you i love you i love you

• brendan, you are the best boyfriend i've ever had. i do love you a lot, more than you think. you are perfect :))))
• joshie, i care about you so much, even though you make me worry. and you're one of the nicest and funniest people i've ever had the pleasure to meet.
• jadey, you're so nice. and all i want is for you to be happy, because you deserve it.
• lolly, even though i've let you down in the past, you still have the ability to forgive me. i admire that. you're such a good actor, and i don't know what it is about you, but you put me in such a good mood when i'm with you.
  
• izzie, you're beautiful. you also have forgiven me when i've let you down. i can't thank you any more. i've missed you so much.
• lora, just for being there for the past 2years +. i love you so much, i trust you more than anyone else, and you make me laugh so much that i cry.
• ellenbot, tmel, lele, acie gracie and cydbarneyney, just for being there for the past nearly 3 years through school. you make me laugh so much with the things you say, i love your company more than most. thank you for making school bearable x
  
• sammichan, because you're hilarious. we see things in the same way, and i love it. i just wish we saw eachother more.
• marky, you're my boy best friend. i can tell you anything, and i know i'll get an honest answer. i love you, your ability to make me feel good after talking to/seeing you, and the way you make me laugh.

enough said really? :3

everybody.

everybody:

• hurts
• cries
• lies
• laughs
• makes mistakes
• loves
• hates
• argues
• smiles
• regrets

everybody is different, but also the same. and i'm so sick of reading things, and people preaching to me. you can fuck right off. i'm me, right? no one else. i do what i want, when i want. and everyone should share this attitude to a certain point.
i'm sick of people thinking they're better than everyone else, because of their 'good looks', or because of the amount of money they have, or the amount of 'friends' they have on facebook or in person. i'm not saying i haven't been like this at a point, but i grew up, and grew out of it, whereas there are still people who haven't. GET OUT OF YOUR OWN, AND EACHOTHERS ARSES ALREADY. i don't care, if you're pretty. i don't care if you have a gazillion friends on facebook and myspace. i don't care how many people you've had sexual relations with. i don't care how much money you have. i don't care who did what, and how shocking it is. I DON'T FUCKING CARE, ALRIGHT?
my friends, are my friends, and my friends are amazing. my friends are funny. my friends are lovely. my friends aren't shallow. my friends are individuals. my friends are bitchy sometimes. my friends are there for me. my friends are argumentative. but most of all, my friends are not perfect and i wouldn't have it any other way.

i think someone out there hates me with a passion.

i mean this is not fair. i'm suffering here. here's my list of reasons why i haven't been at school for four days:
- cystitis
- stomach bug
- headaches
- sore throat
- hot and cold temperature
- sore back
- dizzy spells where i nearly faint
AND i'm on the crimson wave, to just top it all off. ha. that can't be fair, all at once? hahaha

here's some lyrics, i feel they're relevant to me and some of my friends :)

'we're definately going to hell, but we'll have all the best stories to tell. yes i'm definately going to hell, but i'll have all the best stories to tell' - frank turner

gooooooooooooodbye

p.s: i really really really really want this weekend to go well, i haven't been the same without lolly and izzie. fingers crossed, and wish me luck guys?

p.p.s: TO MY LOVELY FOLLOWERS: it's nice to know you like reading my blog, so thank you, i know my blogs aren't the most interesting, and i moan a lot, but it means a lot all the same!

procrastination

i wasn't well monday when i got home from school, so i was allowed tuesday off. and while a part of me was happy that i could relax, another part of my mind was telling me to do some science revision. yeah, it was just a tummy bug, but it wasn't making me bed-bound. i basically layed on the sofa and watched tv all day. and now, as it is 00:06am and my exam is in approximately 9 hours, i haven't done any revision. i also have coursework outstanding, also not even looked at. i know i'll regret this. i need to pull my finger out and work this term, for my own benefit and not anyone elses. i sound like my teachers and my mother.

ugh, you know, i just want to curl up in a ball, cover myself with a warm blanket, and hibernate. i'm looking forward to valentine's day though, apparently brendan's taking me out to dinner. how cute!

ALSO! veryyyyy good news on the izzie and lolly front! i'm seeing them saturday in stevenage, after i've picked up. then hopefully seeing lolly and gracie in quizzical with alexy :) should be a good weekend!

ciao x

lazy hazey

that is all.

also,

i'm really really sick of people still walking over me and picking on me? i'm going to update this later ;
i miss my boyfriend :( <3

chloe just told me a joke...

what do an old lady and a pork pie have in common?
you both have to peel off the crust, then lick off the jelly to get to the meat.


i laughed so much, but it made me die a bit inside when she told me >.<
hahahahahahaha

i'm going to look so different

i'm getting my hair cut on saturday, so that i have a box fringe ;o
and then i'm dying my hair brown too. i'm going to look so weird!

in science again

with tash and jo <3
in physics first, we saw damien's orange boxers, it was quite funny :')
now we're in biology, 5minutes until break time, and my stomach is rumbling like there is no tomorrow. i have english after break, then art, lunch then drama. what a fun filled day?
i hope brendan is okay, because he was really stressed, upset and worried last night. and i hope he did okay in his exam he had earlier. i love you, just cause i know he'll read this :')))) <3

BYE

i really hope that i can see some people soon.

but as much as i love spending time with brendan, i cant help but think i'm neglecting my friendships a bit. soooo, next weekend if lolly, izzie and maybe gracie are free, i could spend some time with them. i also need to see natalie at some point outside of school. and i DEFINATELY need to see lora more <3

not impressed

i'm in a down mood again. i still miss lolly, izzie and gracie incredible amounts, and if i'm honest, i don't think i'll be completely at ease and happy. it plays in the back of my mind still, it will have been a month on tuesday. and i am quite aware we haven't spoken since the 12th of december. i hate this. i just want things back how they were, when i'd see you every single weekend without fail, and i could phone you if i was upset, and i'd look forward to seeing you because things were the best with you. i hope that things will go back to that at some point in the future. izzie, lolly, i hope you read this. i need you, and i haven't ever depended on two people so much in my life. even if i'm not yours, you're both still my best friends, and i'm not the same without you.

i don't think i have ever laughed so much in my life.

at a mole. i love brendan, and his mole. me and joshy have a theory, that his mole is malignant, is a tumor, and will grow. and once it gets to a certain size, we'll put funny faces on it. it will soon learn to speak, and will soon replace brendan. brendan will no longer be the main focus of attention and brendan's friends will come over and ask to see the mole instead. "hey mole, coming out today? try and leave that brendan kid behind if you can.." me and josh are still laughing, and everytime we stop, someone says "oh my mole" and we laugh all over again. also, this made us cry, and josh spit out his drink all over my bag:

"i believe in a thing called lol,
just listen to the rhythm of my mole,
there's a chance that it might grow,
we really really dont want it to go,
I BELIEVE IN A THING CALLED LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!
oooooOOOOoooooOOO mole"

oh yeah, and rafter needs to come out more, and bully the mole.






















BRENDAN I DO LOVE YOU, even if i bully you <33333



P.S ditto josh

this is to samantha dudley

i love you sammichan, samalam,
even though you don't eat ham.
vegetarian, i couldn't do it,
you're smaller than most, just a bit.
when we're together, we act like dicks,
and espescially like to talk about who are pricks.
so don't go away, you give me jokes,
also, you're on my facebook pokes.
i don't see you enough,
though when i do, i look rough.
i hope you get what you want,
and you have quite a cool messenger font.
i'm running out of rhyming words,
and this is the best poem you've ever heard.
so,
i love you sammichan, samalam,
even though you don't like ham.

pahahahaha

i love marky

wish i saw him more x

haaazel says:
do you think dark brown hair will suit me?
(bah) markk goes moooooooooooo says:
i swear you ask me this like every couple of months?

____

i'm feeling pretty down today. i dislike snow. i wanted to go to school today, instead i ended up waking up at 2pm and laying around on the sofa downstairs for the rest of the day. i miss a lot of people. and bits of my life, mainly this:

so i used to live in larne, county antrim, northern ireland. it was beautiful, but cold most of the time. i moved from stevenage to there when i was about 10 because my mum and dad wanted a change, and it would be nearer to my dad's family. i wish we hadn't of moved. i had to make new friends, and i had a strong english accent, completely different to their northern irish one. being there for four years, i had put on weight due to stress, getting me teased and picked on even more. but i lived through it, because my mum was there for me <3 i miss my cousins, olivia, daisy, christopher, heather and james. i liked the closeness of our family, and being back here in letchworth, i don't have that. we had a beautiful three-story victorian terrace house, and my mum and dad had spent so much money restoring it from ruins. the house was very near a large park, and then beyond that the promenade and sea. and then my mum split-up with my dad, and my world came crashing down. i can remember those two days, sitting on the landing while i heard my mum asking my dad about the divorce papers. getting into bed and crying myself to sleep. when i woke up the next morning i didn't get out of bed, my eyes were red raw and i still cried, i don't know how i could cry that much. and then my mum came to check if i was okay, and the crying started again, and my dad came in and he was crying. it was the worst thing i've probably experienced. and i bet you're reading this like 'why would she put this on her blog' well, it's because its important to me. and so, my mum, brother and i packed up our stuff, and moved to letchworth to live with my nan.

i thought things would never get better, and obviously they did, but it still makes me upset to think about what happened. i really hate when i get all melancholy like this. i don't like it at all. i'm going to go comfort eat again. hmm...

also

i miss izzie, lolly and gracie. a lot.

my eyes are really sore

and apparently its snowing, according to live feed of facebook. i'm going to stay on my bed, and snuggle up and hope it hasn't snowed. fingers crossed that i wake up and there is no white stuff off the ground! thing is, i WANT to be at school, i can't afford to have days off this year. and i would prefer if the snow would just melt, and not get compacted and iced over. its a danger hazard, and it will ruin my weekend plans. not good.

also, people really irritate me. so i'm looking at prom dresses, i'm going for a midnight blue.

oh i really love brendan, and joshy <3

goodbye 2009.

so, 2009, what a year really, but this was a good year, despite the bad things. i met some brilliant people, and stayed friends with some. i partied until the sun had risen. i drunk so much that i passed out. i made myself feel one minute on the top of the world, and then the next lowest of the low with drugs i once said i'd never touch. i smoked like a chimney. i had relationships with people who i'm not friends with now, but i wouldn't have it any other way. i had one night stands. i made mistakes, lots and lots of mistakes. i even questioned my sexual orientation. i kept friends, lost friends. i cried, laughed, sang, regretted, bitched, loved, hated, relaxed, stressed out, argued, trusted and betrayed, but i'm so glad i did.

so, i'm entering 2010, not completely satisfied with everything, but happy. i have a gorgeous boyfriend, and i'm determined to make this relationship last. also, i have some amazing friends, and i love them although i dont show it sometimes. my new years resolutions, although i probably not stick to them, are:
- to work harder this year for my gcse's.
- to think about what i say.
- and to have a more positive attitude, because things turn out better that way.

so, after spending new years eve getting drunk at brendan's with joshy and rafter, helping look after brendan's sister new years day, and having a day with brendan, joshy and rafter at joshy's, i'm in a lovely mood. let's just hope that this good mood lasts :)