i told myself not to, then did anyway. argh. i frustrate myself more than other people do.

fucksake.

why do i like you? why do i like you? why do i like you?

you're perfect. absolutely perfect.

smart, you have my favourite type of humour, you're good looking, you have a nice body, not too tall, not smaller than me, reeeeeeallly lovely eyes, you're soso nice when you want to be, i get butterflies every time you speak to me, or if i see you.

gah, there are so many more reasons i could write down.

i'm pathetic.

no one i met after you quite compares.

you have higher expectations and standards now, and i just don't fit into them, not by a longshot.

i shouldn't blog this, but its just what keeps running through my head.

i shouldn't like you, but i do.

i'm trying to stop myself from thinking anything could happen, that's long gone, but i still can't help but have the tiniest bit of hope.

and i shouldn't feel like this.

but i do.

>:|

i had such a good weekend and some people actually ruin it.
i went out friday and enjoyed myself despite certain circumstances, and got quite drunk and had joanna over. i love drunk chats, because you just talk about everything. proper ached in the morning; bruises on my head in various places, bruises, cuts, scrapes, and sore ankles. oh yeah and huge blisters. i tell you, i looked like a cripple when i went out on saturday, and felt like it too. had a nice saturday and sunday with izzie and danni mainly <3 they seem to be the only ones i enjoy myself with now.
mm, so glad easter starts on thursday, only a half day and non-uniform and then seeing jadine to watch her get her tongue pierced. i also need to see marky, sammicat, janna, ayprul, and some other people in easter.

gah, i hate so many people :( i want a boy cuddle please. bye.

fuck off. fuck off. fuck off.

'nough said.

best thing ever!

'I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then, on some dark, cold night I will steal away into your home and punch you in the FACE.'

lalalalala

i'm sick of some people, seriously. i'm stressedstressedstressed right now. my drama exam went quite well on monday, 10 weeks of work totally worth it. art deadline last friday, made it. and my child development coursework deadline this friday. art exam in april. revision revision revision.

year 11 has gone way too fast :(

i'm so tired out recently, i often end up napping on the sofa after dinner, then going to bed and passing out again. i'm exhausted.

can't wait for big d's party friday night, the bedford saturday with tash :D :D :D




I wish I could sleep
But I'm tied down dirty in these borrowed sheets
It's been a week
And I've been singing to my feet, yeah
But I wont admit defeat til saturday, saturday, saturday
For your information I love my demons
Because they keep me company
I've learned to love my new routine,
But on my better days, better days, better days

Consider your self one of my best friends,
Consider your self one of my enemies

I wish I could speak
But I spent the last half hour in the back room
Celebrating me
And now I feel a little cheap, yeah
But I wont admit defeat til saturday, saturday, saturday
It's not one of my better days, better days, better days

Consider your self one of my best friends
Consider your self one of my enemies
Show a little skin and make a million
Bare a little soul you'll make a million more

When I grow up
Wanna be famous
When you grow up
Will you still blame us?

I wish I could sleep
I've been tied down dirty in these borrowed sheets,
It's been a bitch of a week, yeah
Saturday, saturday, saturday

Consider your self one of my best friends
Consider your self one of my enemies
Show a little skin and make a million
Bare a little soul you'll make a million more

i'm still awake

and i have to be in school at 10am tomorrow. on a sunday! ¬_¬
this was a pointless blog, but oh well. i'm exhausted now, good night world!
oh i had a good weekend.

p.s. you're a knob

still feeling pretty down

i don't know what's wrong with me. i need some manly arms to snuggle into, i want a cuddle :(
*sigh*

sadface :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

i'm in physics

i like physics. but i like tasha more.

i still feel crap :(
i want you really bad :((((

i feel bad about the fact i don't know how to ignore people, and not care. time and time again you've told me to just ignore people if they're horrible, but i just can't seem to do it. i can feel your patience running thin with me, i'm sorry. i do try, promise <3

just because i still love this song, and i really don't care :')

'The lights are out and I barely know you
We're going up and the place is slowing down
I knew you'd come around

You captivate me, something about you has got me
I was lonely now you make me feel alive
Will you be mine tonight?

Take me on the floor (dadada da dadadada)
I can't take it any more (dadada da dadadada)
I want you, I want you, I want you to show me love
Just take me on the floor (dadada da dadadada)
I can give you more (dadada da dadadada)
You kill me, you kill me, you kill me with your touch

My heart is racing as you're moving closer
You take me higher with every breath I take
Would it be wrong to stay?

One look at you and I know what you're thinking
Time's a bitch and my heart is sinking down
You turn me inside out

Take me on the floor (dadada da dadadada)
I can't take it any more (dadada da dadadada)
I want you, I want you, I want you to show me love
Just take me on the floor (dadada da dadadada)
I can give you more (dadada da dadadada)
You kill me, you kill me, you kill me with your touch

I wanna kiss a girl
I wanna kiss a girl
I wanna kiss a boy
I wanna ...

I wanna kiss a girl (do ya, do ya, do ya, do ya)
I wanna kiss a girl (do ya, do ya, do ya, do ya)
I wanna kiss a boy (do ya, do ya, do ya, do ya)
I wanna kiss a (kiss a, kiss a, kiss a)

dadada da dadadada
dadada da dadadada
dadada da dadadada (oh)

Take me on the floor (dadada da dadadada)
I can't take it any more (dadada da dadadada)
I want you, I want you, I want you to show me love
Just take me on the floor (dadada da dadadada)
I can give you more (dadada da dadadada)
You kill me, you kill me, you kill me with your touch

Take me on the floor (dadada da dadadada)
I can't take it any more (dadada da dadadada)
I want you, I want you, I want you to show me love
Just take me on the floor (dadada da dadadada)
I can give you more (dadada da dadadada)
You kill me, you kill me, you kill me
Please don't stop!'

i want...

some good sex, a cuddle, then a cigarette/spliff.
in that exact order.

i feel crap :(

Just like raindrops,

just like raindrops
you feel so good upon my lips
just like raindrops, just like raindrops
even though you're a million miles away

you taste so great on my lips
you taste so good on my lips
your moisture drips upon my lips
just like a waterfall straight through the heart of me

they go....

.."you're just as boring as everyone else, when you tut and you moan, and you squeal and you squelch." they go "you're just as boring as everyone else. stuck past timing"

SO, apparently an update is in order!

friday, my birthday. well nice day at school, lots of birthday messages and lots of money :) friday night is a whole different thing, ahaha. got home, got ready, and waited for joanna to come over. drank lots of cherry wine and jacques and got completely smashed. i loved it. joanna stayed over too, which was a plus. though like usual, i had a few too many, and ended up rushing forwards and backwards to the toilet. in the end, i just stayed there. how lovely.

saturday, london with natalie. woke up at 5.30am :/ thanks to joanna's alarm! then went back to sleep and woke up again at 7.30. i then managed to get up, get ready and leave the house at 8.30 to get the 8.54am train to london :) what a nice day! went to portobello road market first, and got my mum a present for mothers day. and got a few nice things for myself. i loved having birthday money! then we went to camden, and i got a dress and a nice vintage cardigan. and after traipsing round every bit of camden looking for a piercing place that would do my ear without me needing my passport, i finally found one! and got my helix pierced. well hurt though, and it squeezed and popped when the needle went in. the only thing that i understood what the man was saying was "deep breath in. deep breath out." hahaha. looks good, but killed like a bitch. got home to letchworth finally, after missing the stop for kings cross st. pancras on the tube, and going to moorgate, and waiting half an hour for the train to arrive in london. then got home and had a well needed relax. after that, got ready again, then went to stevenage for a gathering. i was a bit skeptical at first, but really enjoyed being with them lot. espescially t.w ;) sn and sr are my new best friends. got home about 1am, ate some food, and passed out!

sunday, out and about. today was alright, such nice weather though! got up at half 11, and made some eggy bread! yayayayay! then went out and met lollie and munnerz in bancroft, bummed around a bit, then lollie went to drama. met ayprul then, and decided to walk around with her until dazza came along. which he didn't! so we waited again, then i decided i'd go take his jacket back anyway, so i got a bus to arlesey, cause there were no trains. got there, and walked to marky's which was lonngggggggg. saw two of darren's friends in their car on the way to marky's. then i got picked up :(

so now, i'm laying in bed, writing this, all warm and snuggly ^^
i'd also like to add, just because apparently he's following me now, i miss mike :) x

thanks for the amaaaaaazing weekend to all of my friends, you'll know who you are :)))) <3

"this is the worst day of my life..."

"the worst day of your life, so far!"

oh, and my birthday is on friday

seeing as everyone seems to have forgotten this year.

i'm going to get into bed, be emotional and read. and HOPEFULLY go to sleep earlier. eurgh life.

a) i'm really disappointed.

really. i can't believe it. i was told about it saturday, but i kind of just put it to the back of my mind. now that i read something, and finally found out who it was you were going on about, i remembered. now don't get me wrong, i don't not want you to be happy, but i specifically said i wasn't happy about it. and i told you not to fall for those lies. but you did anyway. and i just know you're going to regret it. but what if you don't? what if you are going to end up with that person for ages. i won't see you anymore, well even less than i do already. that person will change you, and i don't want you to change. i would know, i've been with this person. i'm surprisingly really upset, and i don't understand. am i jealous? i can't say anything to you, because anyway that i try it will come out wrong. just, i hope you know what you're getting yourself into, because i didn't at the stage you're in now. agh. i don't want this to happen. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?

b) the fire that once almost completely burned out. the ashes, which were smouldering and dying for the best part of 6 months, have started to burn again. and i just hope that either something comes out of it, or something doesn't. the fire is getting stronger, i just have to choose whether or not to let it. it will be a difficult decision.

HA i'm such an emotional twat.

we were 'average'

i know all my drama script and stage directions, i just need to practice it so it becomes perfect!

sitting here, in my dressing gown, after a hot shower, listening to radio 1 ;D
sounds good to me!

i'll update laterrrr